The main reasons for adultery

There are 17 basic reasons why people change their spouses, and they did not always make it out of selfishness or immoral motives, according to a new book by the famous American psychotherapist. Book Mira Kirshenbaum, clinical director of the Institute of Chestnut Hill in Boston, Massachusetts, obviously cause a lot of criticism: it argues that many of the traitors - good, good people, and their relationship on the side can help a marriage.



Furthermore, the author advises husbands and wives, who are lovers, not to admit their sins, because the truth can do more harm than its concealment. In addition, she argues that sometimes divorce - not a bad thing.



Kirshenbaum therapist working for the past 30 years, it is well known in the U.S. as a writer and presenter. She was born in Uzbekistan, her parents survived the Holocaust. At the age of four years with her family, she moved to the United States. Now it already has grandchildren.

So what are the 17 reasons exist to change the spouse? Below is a list of the new book by Mira Kirshenbaum - "When good people change" - with author's comments about what it means.



Trying to find a
"For a long time in your life there are forces that prevent you be yourself, express yourself," - writes Kirshenbaum.



"Treason - the best way to understand how to be who you really are." Husband of Virginia Woolf, Leonard Woolf, by popular opinion, it was rather a defender, not a lover. So she came into contact with hot Stranded Sakwa-West - these relationships form the basis for her novel "Orlando".



Random link
"You're not going to do ... but they were in the wrong place at the wrong time", - writes Kirshenbaum.



The poet TS Eliot married Vivien Heywood few weeks after the acquaintance. Later, he admitted: "The marriage did not bring her happiness. To me he brought a state of mind, which was born out of" The Waste Land. "Nevertheless, she was not going to betray her husband so quickly. But it so happened that a number was Bertrand Russell.



Sexual Panic
"You feel that your sexual power fade, starting to panic and start a lover, to show that you did not become weaker in bed" - explains the author.

John Prescott made a great career, grown from a steward on the sea-liner to a vice-premier, but have not outlived inferiority complex. When the policy was in her sixties, he seduced his secretary Tracey Temple, which was at 26 under.



Let's kill ratio (and again revive them)
"The idea is that of betrayal becomes known, and it will strike a blow to marriage, which would either destroy it or make stronger."



As soon as Napoleon went to war, leaving his wife Josephine, as rumors that she is unfaithful. After Napoleon returned to Paris, she will not once it has not changed.



Crisis marriage
Kirshenbaum writes: "If you do not give each other enough time and attention, the marriage comes to a standstill or if it appears a lot of problems, so ... you zavodite relations on the side."



David and Victoria Beckham have made reasonable efforts to stay together. Many women would gladly have spent the night with the famous footballer, and one or two even claim that slept with him. "Nobody said that the marriage would be easy" - recognizes Victoria.



Sell yourself at a higher price
"Your life goes on, and the husband behind, - writes Kirshenbaum. - With the help of an extramarital affair, you want to be with someone who you think is better meets your position."



Horatio Nelson was a young and an unknown sailor, when met with the widow Fanny Nisbet, who has already had a son, and married her. After 11 years, in 1798, he became a national hero by winning the Battle of the Nile, and began an affair with Lady Emma Hamilton. Their relationship became public scandal scale, and the child's birth was kept secret.



The desire to heat up a marriage
"Subconsciously, you hope that she treason or that of her husband finds out, will make your relationship more passionate."



In 1907, the wife of U.S. President Woodrow Wilson, Ellen, depressed, because Wilson met Mary Hulbert. Did they have a novel - a controversial issue, but their friendship has caused Ellen pain. Then the president introduced the women, they went together to shop, and then returned to the Wilson family.



I just need an excuse
"Let it not fair, but you have so much work that you are a betrayal - the best way to get a bit of fun" - writes Kirshenbaum.



Poor Monica Lewinsky is not a lifetime get rid of the consequences of mistakes she made at age 21 during an internship at the White House. It was the last of many women who reward Bill Clinton for his hard work. "He talked about it as though I own all of everything offered is appropriate so take it." Similarly, I "Swedish table" and he just could not resist the dessert, "- she says in her book about the relationship with the president (the real author of the book -- Andrew Morton).



Escape
Kirshenbaum writes: "You want to divorce, but are afraid to simply walk away, and therefore expect that cheating will put an end to all - or you will drive a spouse or lover will give you the courage to leave."



"In this marriage were three of us" - complained about Princess Diana. And it really was. Prince Charles, it seems, married her a sense of duty, not out of love. In a telephone conversation with Camilla Parker-Bowles (if it still bore that name), which was recorded and made public by some unknown well-wishers, he said: "The problem is that I want you - several times a week ... Oh, Lord how nice it would be to live in your pants. So it would be much easier. "



What if
"With the help of betrayal you are trying to verify what would understand if you can get from someone else what you are missing in the marriage. And if so, is it a big difference as you think," - wrote Kirshenbaum.



Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish met on the set of blockbuster on Iraq War under duress ", and soon their professional collaboration developed into a novel. Tabloids immediately began what the girl looks like a rejuvenated Reese Witherspoon, wife of Phillip, who lives separately from him. The marriage ended in divorce. Actor is not the only one who has found solace in the arms of a woman who resembles his first love.



The desire to escape
"Things are going bad, you're upset, confused life, and with the help of treason trying to distract from all these difficulties, creating a sort of oasis of love."



David Lloyd George learned to create a perfect romantic oasis, when it rejected a modest life in Wales and came into the world of big politics. His main love was Frances Stevenson, "my dear little cat," which became his second wife.



Surrogate vehicle
"Do you need some help: for example, you want to raise self-esteem. And the attitude on the side give you the opportunity," - the book says.



The Austrian writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch was in a boring marriage, which did not correspond to his unusual emotional needs, so he came into contact with his "mistress Fanny Pistor, Bogdanova. For six months he remained her slave on the condition that the woman would be as often as possible to wear fur, especially when going to wield a whip. Hence the term "masochist".



Can I please?
"You get older, your marriage reaches an impasse, and you are thinking about how can there still someone please, can I fall in love with you, if you can maintain a passionate relationship," - wrote Kirshenbaum.



In 1918, Picasso married Olga Khokhlova, and technically they were still married, when in 1955 she died. But this did not prevent him change. He had two children by Françoise Gilot, who left him in 1953, when the artist was 71 years. As shown by his paintings, Picasso was afraid that was a terrible old man. Nevertheless, he began an affair with a 24-year-old Geneviève Laporte - already in old age, she earned a fortune through his portraits by Picasso.



The desire to gain experience, which was not
"You were not too many partners before marriage, and you feel that you have missed an important experience for themselves", - explains Kirshenbaum.



In 1984, newly elected to Parliament from the Conservatives Edwina Currie began an affair with John Major, who at that time was the organizer of the parliamentary party. Their relationship lasted four years, but that was at the Major's wife, while Curry - husband. "Politicians appreciate each other's tricks," - explains Curry.



Revenge
"You're angry at the husband for pain and start relationships, to take revenge, even if the spouse never learns about your treason," - says Kirshenbaum.



When during a military campaign against Robert the Bruce case, the British have gone bad, King Edward II fled, leaving his wife - Queen Isabella, the daughter of the King of France - and she barely escaped being taken prisoner by the Scots. However, stronger than she is angered that the spouse had a male lover. So she began an affair with Robert Mortimer, gathered an army and overthrew the king from the throne.



Midlife crisis
"It's not often, because this mid-life crisis is also rare - writes Kirshenbaum. - Modified, which explains why such a crisis, usually can be attributed to other causes, such as" surrogate means "or" marriage crisis ".



John Profumo was elected to parliament in 25 years and became the youngest Conservative MPs, who dismissed the Neville Chamberlain. However, the 46 years he was still a middling politician, and it was then became acquainted with 20-year-old Christine Keeler. Profumo passionate relationship with the girl lasted only a few weeks, but unfortunately for him, she was unable to keep the incident secret.



Unrealized needs
"Despite the fact that you have certain requests, your partner does not fulfill them. With regard to the side you are trying to implement them" - indicates Kirshenbaum.



Catherine the Great was an innocent German princess when she was sent to Russia, where he was married to Grand Duke Peter, heir to the throne. He was a monstrous husband and a terrible king. And she loved sex and wanted to give birth to an heir. After the murder of Peter she had countless lovers. The most famous of them was Grigori Potemkin, who is used to say, could boast not only a great mind.