Sunday, November 22, 2009

If the husband is a tyrant: tolerate or fight?

Women often suffer beatings of her husband, believing that the situation can change. Vain! Domashny sadist can rein.

Domestic violence can be divided into three types: moral, psycho-physical and physical.



Moral torture is that the sadist always insult a woman suppresses her will in an effort to completely subjugate and destroy it as a person.

Psycho-physical violence - when it is added to the insults and physical abuse.

The physical torture of the most insidious: the husband without cause, "without warning" brutally beat his wife. And this happens not once, not twice, but occurs systematically. Such a person is likely mentally inadequate, and he needed treatment.



I teach life
Men who are mentally harass their wives, usually justified by the fact that they want them well - and blamed them exclusively for educational purposes. In fact, they feel a sense of satisfaction from the fact that causes another pain.



Who is the sadistic? Usually these are people who are afraid of society. This primitive, angry, envious or arrogant person. Society, as a rule, such rejection, and rather harshly. Insult to the whole world for that goes to the repressed anger that the sadist trying to vent on someone. Because outside of the house a man cowardly attack must take on his wife and children.



To delay the weak
During his wife's mental and physical torture of the male include animal instincts. This type of sadist enjoys watching the suffering of his victim.

It is noticed that the men-only environment he can not defend its interests, he quickly folded. Perhaps as a child he was beaten with parents. And now this man is asserting itself on the weak.



Beau did not hesitate
If a man beats his wife without words, without explanation, it is likely to have already been degraded. It is governed by instinct alone, and nothing more. It is a severe mental illness, and stay close to such a man is dangerous. He can easily hit his wife with his fist, knife, ax. These individuals in the future can be dangerous for his family and for society as a whole.



A man who drinks
Tyrant person often does the abuse of alcohol. A man who regularly drinks are not able to account to their actions. Culture, self-esteem he had lost, there are only primitive reflexes.



Quite often you can hear from women: "Before her husband was a changed man - gentle, considerate, calm. And now - just a monster! "But the most interesting, many wives believe that blame vodka, but not the one who drinks and then lash out. Men are happy to use it: 'I do not remember, he was drunk. " As if that justifies his outrageous behavior. Patience wives and impunity sadistic provokes him to further violence.



Alcohol, as a rule, destroys the man's sexual desire. And it - an occasion for jealousy: "If the wife is not with me, then with someone else." And the fantasy that she and her lover can laugh at him, bring him into a frenzy. Convince jealous, to prove that it is not so - it is impossible.



Why did they suffer?
Well, what do women want? Why are they not part with a man who mentally and physically destroy them?



First, married to a sadistic go girls with certain traits and specific family history. If a child little girl saw her father insulted her mother, and she puts up with humiliation, it makes for a conclusion: obedience and humility - good traits. And in order to show them, you need a male aggressor. Such girls tend to choose their husbands in a nice, arrogant, cruel kids.



Secondly, the destruction of the individual women are often invisible to her. In the early years of physical abuse may not appear. But her husband is able to humiliate his wife in the presence of friends or relatives in the circle. The woman still thinks she can control the situation: the misbehavior of his righteous justify his failures, bad mood, stress. In fact, everything is different: the husband knows he is doing. He already got a taste: started to enjoy the consciousness of his power.



Now the tyrant can not leave his wife without money, to forbid her from seeing friends or relatives. Depriving it of its "support group" and knowing that she never complains, he begins to lash out.



At this stage, the woman can still get away from him.



But if it does not, the next will begin an irreversible destruction of her identity. Sadist's not only beating and insulting its prey. Supposedly "coming to his senses, he begins to ask for forgiveness, showering his wife with expensive gifts, and swears that it was the last time.



A woman forgives her husband, but is a bit of time, and all repeats. Since beating alternate with periods of reconciliation, she begins to think that the whole thing ... in itself. It is so bad that "bring" him. Targeting each time becoming more and more sophisticated. And, not finding a way out of the vicious circle, some victims commit suicide or ... kill wife, then sentenced by a court are sent to prison.



Okmotu in Tirana
All home sadists fear of publicity and a specific human intervention from the outside. Remember: in public, and especially in the men's companies, such person - meek as a lamb. Therefore, never hide his misfortune, not confined to himself.



Notify parents of her husband, his relatives and friends about how he behaves with you. Many of his friends can not even guess at his sadistic.

Connect your parents, sisters and brothers. Tell them frankly about the inhuman behavior of her husband, let him shame. The brothers can talk to him purely as a man, a warning.



Refer to the center of psychological assistance, please ask to help you in this situation.



Go to a local policeman, write a request to look into the situation. Methods of influencing the home sadistic police have enough. For example, the district may wear out his daily calls to the department or regular visits to you in a flat at 22.00 with a half-hour educational talk. If the husband threatened to kill, call up the police.



The most important thing - do not give the tyrant rest. Let knows what "gay" life is waiting for him every time, after he aim it at you.



Or maybe he is sick? However, all these methods are valid only if the domestic tyrant has no mental illness. So go to a mental hospital, tell the doctor about the behavior of her husband, talk about how to behave with him. An experienced psychiatrist, even on individual manifestations may suggest the diagnosis. Some diseases are dangerous for others, and for the patient himself (he can turn to anger arose against him and commit suicide). Particularly exacerbated by the influence of alcohol or drugs.



If the doctor suspects have your husband's mental illness, try to persuade him to undergo treatment. And if you do not agree, then the next attack of aggression immediately call the emergency psychiatric care.



The question arises: parting with such a man inevitably? If in spite of medical treatment can not guarantee the absence of outbreaks of rage at your spouse, then the best thing you can do for yourself is to get away from him. No benefits will not replace the most valuable - their lives and well-being and health of your children.

"Beacons" sadistic

The reasons for a person having sadistic tendencies, a lot. This genetic predisposition, and the brutal upbringing in the family, and drug addiction and alcoholism. But perhaps the main factor - this character. And it manifests itself in the first days of their acquaintance. Knowing these "beacons", you can determine whether you will become a new friend home tyrant.



He begins to control you, as a child: "With friends are not met. Do not you dare dye and do not talk to men, even with colleagues, "" Why, when I called you, you did not answer? "," I have to know at any moment, where you are! "," I do not like your friends! " "I do not like your parents!". He does not give you to express your opinion, cries, does not leave you for a minute.

Another indicator of a troubled state of mind this man is his negative view of children, animals and the elderly. You must alert the statements: "Everything - the bastards!", "No Country for Old time at the cemetery," "Children of annoy me," All the dogs would be shot! "

Note whether this person has a sense of humor. Is it just to laugh at himself, over his blunders? Primitive mind is not characteristic. Such a person does not know any jokes or laugh at the jokes of others.

And finally - the existence of intelligence. If the vocabulary of human meager, no hobbies, but only a deep resentment of everyone and everything, the family union with him will not be easy.



What? If you find yourself in his new acquaintance, some of these features, run away as far as possible. Do not expect that your boundless love can change it. Rather, he overhauls you. After a year of marriage a man will break your will, and you will already be difficult to make decisive action - to get away from him.



Thoughts that turn the woman into a victim:

"I could not live alone, I do not have a shelter or profession."
"Such is our women's share: we must learn to endure.
"Nobody must know what is happening in our family. If the husband will know that I told someone about his behavior, he's rage.
"Children should be pope. Even a bad father is better than none.
"Of course, in many ways my own fault. Should not have ... "
"We need to find this behavior to her husband did not arise occasions for irritation.

The main reasons for adultery

There are 17 basic reasons why people change their spouses, and they did not always make it out of selfishness or immoral motives, according to a new book by the famous American psychotherapist. Book Mira Kirshenbaum, clinical director of the Institute of Chestnut Hill in Boston, Massachusetts, obviously cause a lot of criticism: it argues that many of the traitors - good, good people, and their relationship on the side can help a marriage.



Furthermore, the author advises husbands and wives, who are lovers, not to admit their sins, because the truth can do more harm than its concealment. In addition, she argues that sometimes divorce - not a bad thing.



Kirshenbaum therapist working for the past 30 years, it is well known in the U.S. as a writer and presenter. She was born in Uzbekistan, her parents survived the Holocaust. At the age of four years with her family, she moved to the United States. Now it already has grandchildren.

So what are the 17 reasons exist to change the spouse? Below is a list of the new book by Mira Kirshenbaum - "When good people change" - with author's comments about what it means.



Trying to find a
"For a long time in your life there are forces that prevent you be yourself, express yourself," - writes Kirshenbaum.



"Treason - the best way to understand how to be who you really are." Husband of Virginia Woolf, Leonard Woolf, by popular opinion, it was rather a defender, not a lover. So she came into contact with hot Stranded Sakwa-West - these relationships form the basis for her novel "Orlando".



Random link
"You're not going to do ... but they were in the wrong place at the wrong time", - writes Kirshenbaum.



The poet TS Eliot married Vivien Heywood few weeks after the acquaintance. Later, he admitted: "The marriage did not bring her happiness. To me he brought a state of mind, which was born out of" The Waste Land. "Nevertheless, she was not going to betray her husband so quickly. But it so happened that a number was Bertrand Russell.



Sexual Panic
"You feel that your sexual power fade, starting to panic and start a lover, to show that you did not become weaker in bed" - explains the author.

John Prescott made a great career, grown from a steward on the sea-liner to a vice-premier, but have not outlived inferiority complex. When the policy was in her sixties, he seduced his secretary Tracey Temple, which was at 26 under.



Let's kill ratio (and again revive them)
"The idea is that of betrayal becomes known, and it will strike a blow to marriage, which would either destroy it or make stronger."



As soon as Napoleon went to war, leaving his wife Josephine, as rumors that she is unfaithful. After Napoleon returned to Paris, she will not once it has not changed.



Crisis marriage
Kirshenbaum writes: "If you do not give each other enough time and attention, the marriage comes to a standstill or if it appears a lot of problems, so ... you zavodite relations on the side."



David and Victoria Beckham have made reasonable efforts to stay together. Many women would gladly have spent the night with the famous footballer, and one or two even claim that slept with him. "Nobody said that the marriage would be easy" - recognizes Victoria.



Sell yourself at a higher price
"Your life goes on, and the husband behind, - writes Kirshenbaum. - With the help of an extramarital affair, you want to be with someone who you think is better meets your position."



Horatio Nelson was a young and an unknown sailor, when met with the widow Fanny Nisbet, who has already had a son, and married her. After 11 years, in 1798, he became a national hero by winning the Battle of the Nile, and began an affair with Lady Emma Hamilton. Their relationship became public scandal scale, and the child's birth was kept secret.



The desire to heat up a marriage
"Subconsciously, you hope that she treason or that of her husband finds out, will make your relationship more passionate."



In 1907, the wife of U.S. President Woodrow Wilson, Ellen, depressed, because Wilson met Mary Hulbert. Did they have a novel - a controversial issue, but their friendship has caused Ellen pain. Then the president introduced the women, they went together to shop, and then returned to the Wilson family.



I just need an excuse
"Let it not fair, but you have so much work that you are a betrayal - the best way to get a bit of fun" - writes Kirshenbaum.



Poor Monica Lewinsky is not a lifetime get rid of the consequences of mistakes she made at age 21 during an internship at the White House. It was the last of many women who reward Bill Clinton for his hard work. "He talked about it as though I own all of everything offered is appropriate so take it." Similarly, I "Swedish table" and he just could not resist the dessert, "- she says in her book about the relationship with the president (the real author of the book -- Andrew Morton).



Escape
Kirshenbaum writes: "You want to divorce, but are afraid to simply walk away, and therefore expect that cheating will put an end to all - or you will drive a spouse or lover will give you the courage to leave."



"In this marriage were three of us" - complained about Princess Diana. And it really was. Prince Charles, it seems, married her a sense of duty, not out of love. In a telephone conversation with Camilla Parker-Bowles (if it still bore that name), which was recorded and made public by some unknown well-wishers, he said: "The problem is that I want you - several times a week ... Oh, Lord how nice it would be to live in your pants. So it would be much easier. "



What if
"With the help of betrayal you are trying to verify what would understand if you can get from someone else what you are missing in the marriage. And if so, is it a big difference as you think," - wrote Kirshenbaum.



Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish met on the set of blockbuster on Iraq War under duress ", and soon their professional collaboration developed into a novel. Tabloids immediately began what the girl looks like a rejuvenated Reese Witherspoon, wife of Phillip, who lives separately from him. The marriage ended in divorce. Actor is not the only one who has found solace in the arms of a woman who resembles his first love.



The desire to escape
"Things are going bad, you're upset, confused life, and with the help of treason trying to distract from all these difficulties, creating a sort of oasis of love."



David Lloyd George learned to create a perfect romantic oasis, when it rejected a modest life in Wales and came into the world of big politics. His main love was Frances Stevenson, "my dear little cat," which became his second wife.



Surrogate vehicle
"Do you need some help: for example, you want to raise self-esteem. And the attitude on the side give you the opportunity," - the book says.



The Austrian writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch was in a boring marriage, which did not correspond to his unusual emotional needs, so he came into contact with his "mistress Fanny Pistor, Bogdanova. For six months he remained her slave on the condition that the woman would be as often as possible to wear fur, especially when going to wield a whip. Hence the term "masochist".



Can I please?
"You get older, your marriage reaches an impasse, and you are thinking about how can there still someone please, can I fall in love with you, if you can maintain a passionate relationship," - wrote Kirshenbaum.



In 1918, Picasso married Olga Khokhlova, and technically they were still married, when in 1955 she died. But this did not prevent him change. He had two children by Françoise Gilot, who left him in 1953, when the artist was 71 years. As shown by his paintings, Picasso was afraid that was a terrible old man. Nevertheless, he began an affair with a 24-year-old Geneviève Laporte - already in old age, she earned a fortune through his portraits by Picasso.



The desire to gain experience, which was not
"You were not too many partners before marriage, and you feel that you have missed an important experience for themselves", - explains Kirshenbaum.



In 1984, newly elected to Parliament from the Conservatives Edwina Currie began an affair with John Major, who at that time was the organizer of the parliamentary party. Their relationship lasted four years, but that was at the Major's wife, while Curry - husband. "Politicians appreciate each other's tricks," - explains Curry.



Revenge
"You're angry at the husband for pain and start relationships, to take revenge, even if the spouse never learns about your treason," - says Kirshenbaum.



When during a military campaign against Robert the Bruce case, the British have gone bad, King Edward II fled, leaving his wife - Queen Isabella, the daughter of the King of France - and she barely escaped being taken prisoner by the Scots. However, stronger than she is angered that the spouse had a male lover. So she began an affair with Robert Mortimer, gathered an army and overthrew the king from the throne.



Midlife crisis
"It's not often, because this mid-life crisis is also rare - writes Kirshenbaum. - Modified, which explains why such a crisis, usually can be attributed to other causes, such as" surrogate means "or" marriage crisis ".



John Profumo was elected to parliament in 25 years and became the youngest Conservative MPs, who dismissed the Neville Chamberlain. However, the 46 years he was still a middling politician, and it was then became acquainted with 20-year-old Christine Keeler. Profumo passionate relationship with the girl lasted only a few weeks, but unfortunately for him, she was unable to keep the incident secret.



Unrealized needs
"Despite the fact that you have certain requests, your partner does not fulfill them. With regard to the side you are trying to implement them" - indicates Kirshenbaum.



Catherine the Great was an innocent German princess when she was sent to Russia, where he was married to Grand Duke Peter, heir to the throne. He was a monstrous husband and a terrible king. And she loved sex and wanted to give birth to an heir. After the murder of Peter she had countless lovers. The most famous of them was Grigori Potemkin, who is used to say, could boast not only a great mind.

What begins acquaintance?

What begins acquaintance? Of course, with the phone number. By the way the man writes the number of girls, you can easily determine its nature and even the possibility of long-term relationship. How to find out - here are some interesting observations.



1. People who write number on a scrap of paper, hardly capable of serious relationships. His attitude to you is the same as to this very poor piece of. It is clear that it easily can be lost, and therefore it is also easy to part with you. Thus, it is configured for a wide circle of acquaintances, and not just for you.



2. The girls, who are looking for serious and long-term relationship, like the "classics" - he writes down the phone in the diary, in a strictly space provided. Here he is such a clear, and the life he is likely to clear, step to the right or left, escape is not considered, but they certainly need to know why and on what terms. Potentially a good family man, if not fascinated by the ears work, but, unfortunately, boring for life.



3. There are people who write down the phone on hand. On the one hand, it is not bad, since a person writes something very important, which is well, can not be forgotten. On the other lives, such a record short time, erased the recording, erased the memory. Word, quickly erupt. But quickly extinguished.



4. A person who writes the phone more than once - in a notebook in a pipe, something else - "not to lose" - girls like. They think that she liked him so that he is afraid of losing it. In fact, most often the man did not believe in yourself, sissy or what is called a namby-pamby. He constantly be a reminder that something must be done here and he will always run into your phone and think, what to do. Suitable are only strong girls who are happy with man-podkabluchnik.



5. For this man no matter what to write, it is important - both. In the sense that it is Narcissus, whose mission - to look more attractive. He can write the number in his notebook, and the phone, but tell that this notebook very firm from textured leather. And the phone - very steep and featured model. And if you suddenly refuse to buy your champagne at the bar, it is only because there is no pink, which he tried at the restaurant on the Champs-Elysees in Paris and there he realized that all the other drinks - swill. He believes that an understanding of all major and minor problems as a specialist and will teach everyone. Of course, it is impossible to live with this, but if you blow in his ears a song of their uniqueness, to become his shadow, and if people with money, or known, to get a pass into another world, and there has to seek a normal man.



6. The easiest way to write - a mobile phone - only in sixth place. Just because this man is very difficult to predict. There is a nuance - Try to have it recorded you can not just "Olga", but somehow clarified, it is best to associate with a place or person where you met. So he will not lose you in Olyah three, two and one Olga Olga Stepanovna. But ask if he has a phone, ICQ, and often he uses it - if there is bad, these people usually live in the virtual world and get them out in the real world is difficult.



7. Well, the last place a copy of a man who phone girl ... does not write. He says he'll remember. There are only two options - if you remember, you're really hooked him and he will do everything to make your life bright and interesting. And if you forgot - means you do not need it, and nothing to worry.